Doors open, "Make It Rain" by Tom Waits plays. (Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Version.)
MC: Matt Duke (Family Funeral Theme)
Says something he figures he should.
Introduces Mike Kanaroski.
Mike tells anecdote he thinks is funny, falls flat.
Matt Resumes, people clap for Mike.
Kerry (assuming still alive) Fraser speaks.
Break for David Kanaroski short film, (Tom Kanaroski film if David dead). Arranged to Jimi Hendrix's "Little Wing" as performed by Stevie Ray Vaughan.
Assuming smoking is still legal, people smoke.
Assuming smoking is not legal, people smoke twice.
Sevie takes Mic.
Sevie breaks down.
Matt, consoling Sevie, introduces Stacey Mee.
Stacey tells everyone something nice. No tears. She's soldered her tear ducts.
(Jordyn screeches obscenities in background)
Matt introduces Janet Noyle (nee Mckie)
Janet isn't there, next guest.
Kara Knight is introduced.
Relays funny story about how we relate. Nobody gets it.
Break: Kris Kristofferson's "The Pilgrim (Chapter 33)"
Bad recording of original song.
Everyone cries on cue.
Matt introduces Keith Richards, Kerry(assuming still alive) Fraser hands Matt a letter excusing Keith...
Mom makes a public appearance.
Dad and Lee arrange outfits.
Dad doesn't know how to act, cries to self. Hugs Mike.
Matt introduces Stacey (insert last name here) nee Craig.
City and Colour's "The Girl" plays.
Stacey throws darts at coffin.
Cries, walks off stage.
Uncle Bruce takes place behind Mic.
Reminds everyone that "we're all here because of the love/hate we felt for someone who wouldn't let us know him".
Reception held at Ship & Anchor.
House Band: The Plaid Tongued Devils.
Pleasantries exchanged.
Terrible self recorded song played.
Life goes on.
