Two month check in:
I can't believe I've been away from Calgary for two months now. I was just talking with my brother and we were both sort of shocked when it was realized that I haven't gotten laid since being out here. It was decided that I need to find my mojo.
I checked behind the fridge, as that's usually where things go missing, but it wasn't there. Perhaps I dropped it while bar hopping one night, I thought, but after checking the lost and found of each of the bars I've been to, I came up empty handed.
I think the main reason is that I'm not really settled here. I mean I love it, but I sort of still feel like a tourist, and I think that comes out. It almost seems that I'm not comfortable in my own skin. Also, it's a lot different finding confidence w/out some sort of sythentic. I think that's what's holding me back the most. I know I used to be able to do it, it's not like I spent my whole life high, but as much as you need to learn to hide being high sometimes, you also need to hide being sober.
That may not make a lot of sense but all it means is that I have to fool myself into that same sort of security. I'm still learning how to be sober and my social skills aren't quite up to par yet, but they are getting better.
Or not, last night there was a woman at the Cambie who, friendly as she was, really got on my nerves. Maybe it was just my mood that night, but there's something about people that's been rubbing me the wrong way lately. My favorite thing is when people think that they're cheering me up when I'm not down. Ya know, bein' silly and demanding your attention when all you want to do is read the paper? Despite what they may be used to encountering, I'm not there seeking attention from the masses. I really just want to have a beer and read my paper. It's not a cry for help.
Anyway, I have to leave for work now so until next time,
fishbait
No comments:
Post a Comment