I really don't know if I'll ever publish the last two entries I made, they were more for ranting's sake than any real reason. But considering it's been a couple weeks since I published anything, I offer my version of a greatest hits kind of thing. More like an "unpublished gems" entry. Basically this entry is composed of lyrics to songs that I've written in the last two years.
Enjoy, or don't, whatever.
Fishbait
Far Away.
Well I'm far away from yesterday
And where I go, it's got to be
Away from here
The things I know, they never stay
And where they go, it's got to be
Away from here
Now how 'bout you, what could you do?
To help me stay away from here.
Jan 2006
Headache
She sees my perfection through banches and leaves and I cry at night,
There's no love for me here in the dying light of forests of kindness
Round the outskirts of the town where her body lies empty
Waiting for me.
I sit feeling nothing, smoke all of the thoughts that I can't forget
While I lie awake wanting a cigarette and search for my mistress on unholy ground
Where she's dying 'lone slowly in extasy.
S'only you that I follow and lonely I suffer.
Wandering aimlessly down paths unkept that I'll never see.
And you're just too much for this poor kid to handle,
But when I dream in the evening you're here with me.
Nov 2004
untitled
If we could only walk hand in hand together,
And lock ourselves in a lovers embrace,
Stroll through life forever this way,
Tongues intertwined, savoring kisses.
Til our hearts decide to break yet part only briefly.
Only to find that there's nothing in magick to
Hide the feelings we both knew wouldn't grow old
Passions so frantic,
We can't afford to miss any moment sharing delusions.
Say that you want me and proove that you mean it.
Now again, while I flirt w/desire.
Kicking it's windows and falling from heights.
And all in the hope that you'll be waiting to catch me.
co-writter: Melanie Keller.
Nov 2004.
Clever
I wander down the roads not knowing
I wonder where the stories are
Thinking that nothing will rob me
From time in my mind for these holes in my heart
Thinking only of things that don't matter anymore
As you finally find your way out of my door
There's no room for your shit
Or any and all of your reasons to sleep on the floor
And you think you're so clever
But you push and you pull and you've made me unsure.
And you know that there's nothing for me to do anymore
But you still think you're so clever
I'm fighting all of the reasons to keep you beside me
But I'm much better off w/out a psycho to guide me
The things that you told me were never the truth
And there's no way I'm crawling my way back to you.
So take all of your problems to somebody else
There's no chance of me helping you out of your hell
See I've got my own issues, like you couldn't tell
Why don't you solve them for me, you know me so well
And you think that you're so clever
But you push and you pull and you've made me unsure
And you know that there's nothing for me to do any more
But you still think that you're so clever.
Jan 2006
Dirty Mistress
She sings my reflection through whispers of trees and there's nothing to save me
I'm here on my knees while she mocks and she taunts me
W/words all obsene
And there's nothing to find in this hole
Where I hide all my thoughts and my fears they fall on the deafs ears
It's all fuelling the fire and it has been for years
And now I'm waiting for someone to sweep up the tears while I'm high in my room
And I wonder where things all went wrong.
There's no way out for me, at least that I can see
I'm dying slowly inside, cuz I just shouldn't be
Fighting daily an anger that festers in me
And I can't even justify watching t.v.
So I'll go for a walk, but I'm not willing to talk
To the friendliest of faces that skulk down my block
They're all shadows to me and I really don't see
Any reason in finding a better disease.
And releasing aggressions through therapy sessions
Does nothing to subvert or change my direction
I've gone too far now past the whys and the hows
So I'll raise both my hands just to scream at the ground
I feel lonely up here, trapped in hate and w/fear
Sucking up to the barmaid for "just one more beer"
Is there no help for me in this rich company
Only cheaters and liars in this miscreant sea
Now I'm hopeing that nobody's home
'Cuz it's safer when I'm all alone.
Aug 2005
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Friday, August 18, 2006
It Always Happens When I Give Up
Part One of something that I thought I wouldn't publish:
Some of you may be asking what I'm refering to in the title, others will know what I'm talking about. Those that do understand, get to be the lucky ones this time, 'cuz I don't feel like defining exactly what I mean. Yes that's right, tonite I feel like holding back a little.
I just got back from a stange set of days in Vancouver, and far be it from me to not enjoy a lite bit of weirdness, but I'm still trying to readjust to the slower pace of island life.
I think I'll share the story with you, but I'm going to fuck with the time stucture of my narrative.
Your reading of the story begins with me being dropped off at work by a woman named Tip, her nephew Mike, and her niece Marissa. They were heading to Tophino, and seeing as I had hung out and chatted with Tip through out the entire ferry ride, they were kind enough to drop my sweaty ass at the doors of the Cambie. What would have happened I wonder, if I hadn't guarded her blanket from the wind while I was on the sun deck enjoying my lunch?
I really don't have an answer for that, but lunch was just what I needed after waiting in the ferry terminal for over an hour because I caught the earlier bus than I had intended. Said bus catching would not have been possible, of course, w/out the selfless effort of a woman I had really only met two days ago, but more about her earlier. I will say though, I was very surprised to wake up in my dorm room this morning missing one sandle. That aside, it was a fantastic sleep. I had stayed up until about three watching bad television and trying to figure out why hookers would want to invite me for "fun" after being told that I had no money with me. Flatering though it was, I really hadn't prepared a speech.
The walk itself started at Dan and Lisa's apartment that night at about 11:30 pm. We finished it by drinking decaf coffee, which is really the only way to recover from an evening of napping and watching the food network. Dinner was delicious and eagerly consumed having walked an hour on the way there to drop off a Cambie t-shirt for Dan.
Yes that's what I did when I finished my shower at 4:00pm, I certainly needed one, having slept on the couch in the common room all day. Why the common room? Well, my dorm room bed wasn't ready when I was. Upon being awakend, most likely still drunk, and told that it was after 10 am and that I had missed the chance to re-rent the room I was curently in, I was left with a slight paradox: go home or sleep on a leather couch and have people pretend I didn't exist.
Stay tuned for part two,
fishbait
Some of you may be asking what I'm refering to in the title, others will know what I'm talking about. Those that do understand, get to be the lucky ones this time, 'cuz I don't feel like defining exactly what I mean. Yes that's right, tonite I feel like holding back a little.
I just got back from a stange set of days in Vancouver, and far be it from me to not enjoy a lite bit of weirdness, but I'm still trying to readjust to the slower pace of island life.
I think I'll share the story with you, but I'm going to fuck with the time stucture of my narrative.
Your reading of the story begins with me being dropped off at work by a woman named Tip, her nephew Mike, and her niece Marissa. They were heading to Tophino, and seeing as I had hung out and chatted with Tip through out the entire ferry ride, they were kind enough to drop my sweaty ass at the doors of the Cambie. What would have happened I wonder, if I hadn't guarded her blanket from the wind while I was on the sun deck enjoying my lunch?
I really don't have an answer for that, but lunch was just what I needed after waiting in the ferry terminal for over an hour because I caught the earlier bus than I had intended. Said bus catching would not have been possible, of course, w/out the selfless effort of a woman I had really only met two days ago, but more about her earlier. I will say though, I was very surprised to wake up in my dorm room this morning missing one sandle. That aside, it was a fantastic sleep. I had stayed up until about three watching bad television and trying to figure out why hookers would want to invite me for "fun" after being told that I had no money with me. Flatering though it was, I really hadn't prepared a speech.
The walk itself started at Dan and Lisa's apartment that night at about 11:30 pm. We finished it by drinking decaf coffee, which is really the only way to recover from an evening of napping and watching the food network. Dinner was delicious and eagerly consumed having walked an hour on the way there to drop off a Cambie t-shirt for Dan.
Yes that's what I did when I finished my shower at 4:00pm, I certainly needed one, having slept on the couch in the common room all day. Why the common room? Well, my dorm room bed wasn't ready when I was. Upon being awakend, most likely still drunk, and told that it was after 10 am and that I had missed the chance to re-rent the room I was curently in, I was left with a slight paradox: go home or sleep on a leather couch and have people pretend I didn't exist.
Stay tuned for part two,
fishbait
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Oh, Sweet Responsibility, How I Loathe Thee
How do I get myself into these messes? No. Really. Tell me. I need to figure this out, but perhaps I should first tell you what the hell I'm on about. Well, it involves my gainful employ at the Cambie here in Nanaimo, and it's shitstick (I think I'm going to use that phrase quite a bit in the next little while) excuse for a kitchen. Yes, that's right, I've been given permission to fix it. Fix the menu, fix the ordering, fix the whole damn scene.
How ironic, that I've spent five yrs in the kitchen trying to get out, and when I get a job where that's not my first priority, I make it my only one. And this after almost having to quit two days ago after being offered another job at a different bar. I'm still not sure why I can't work at another bar while employed at the Cambie, some sort of conflict of interest clause in my work agreement. Yeah right, thirty hours a week at 9/h is not enough to let me live, so after discussing this particular policy with my GM, we decided that it's horse shit, not to mention completely unrealistic and that I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want and if the Cambie doesn't like it, they can go fuck themselves.
An 11 am wake up call, three cups of coffee and the Supersuckers make for an intersting morning, let me tell you. I'm starting to get a lil homesick sometimes, this afternoon has been spent calling my family and friends back in Calgary, so that they all know I'm alright (really though, I think it's so that I know I'm alright), and I should be spending it working on my proposal for the kitchen.
But fuck it, it's my day off, I'm still in my pajamas, I haven't showered, I'm wired for sound, it's two in the afternoon, and after dealing with all kinds of wierdos and fuckups while working the door last night, the only thing I want to do right now is take a shower and head out for a beer.
What kind of wierdos and fuckups you may inquire, where to start? The liquor laws are a little different out here than they are back in Alberta, and the policies are a lot tighter. You need two pieces of ID out here, no exceptions, so there are a lot of people that don't get into my bar. Is this my fault? No. Am I the one that takes the piss? You bet yer sweet bippy, baby. "C'mon man, I have grey hair, I'm old enough to be yer dad". Yes you do, and no, you're not, but that aside, I can't let you in. This is usually when they hang around and explain: it's okay man, I used to work in a bar. Fan-fuckin-tastic, but now I need to ask: if you know this is the way it works, why are you giving me grief about it? I'm not there(at the door) to make friends, I'm there to make sure that the bar doesn't get shut down for serving a minor. It's not personal, it's just my job.
The cover charge at the door is also my fault. Yes, you have to pay, no I won't let you in cuz you used to work here. Do you work here now? No? Then pay up sucker. "I know the band". Great, do you want them to get paid for this gig? Yes? Then pay the goddamned cover!!!!!
The list of excuses is literally endless, but I can deal w/ drunk assholes, it's the crack heads, and they are plentiful, that really make me want hurt small house pets. My new door policy concerning them is: If you can't afford to keep teeth in your skull, you can't afford to drink in this bar. No, I don't want to buy the porn dvds you "found" in the trash, and our bathroom is not a place to sleep! What the fuck is wrong with these people? Wait, I know first hand what's wrong with these people. Nevermind, I retract the question. I will, for the record state though, that I have never tried to sleep in a pub's bathroom.
Well, to everyone out there, take care of yourselves and I'll see you soon,
Fishbait
How ironic, that I've spent five yrs in the kitchen trying to get out, and when I get a job where that's not my first priority, I make it my only one. And this after almost having to quit two days ago after being offered another job at a different bar. I'm still not sure why I can't work at another bar while employed at the Cambie, some sort of conflict of interest clause in my work agreement. Yeah right, thirty hours a week at 9/h is not enough to let me live, so after discussing this particular policy with my GM, we decided that it's horse shit, not to mention completely unrealistic and that I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want and if the Cambie doesn't like it, they can go fuck themselves.
An 11 am wake up call, three cups of coffee and the Supersuckers make for an intersting morning, let me tell you. I'm starting to get a lil homesick sometimes, this afternoon has been spent calling my family and friends back in Calgary, so that they all know I'm alright (really though, I think it's so that I know I'm alright), and I should be spending it working on my proposal for the kitchen.
But fuck it, it's my day off, I'm still in my pajamas, I haven't showered, I'm wired for sound, it's two in the afternoon, and after dealing with all kinds of wierdos and fuckups while working the door last night, the only thing I want to do right now is take a shower and head out for a beer.
What kind of wierdos and fuckups you may inquire, where to start? The liquor laws are a little different out here than they are back in Alberta, and the policies are a lot tighter. You need two pieces of ID out here, no exceptions, so there are a lot of people that don't get into my bar. Is this my fault? No. Am I the one that takes the piss? You bet yer sweet bippy, baby. "C'mon man, I have grey hair, I'm old enough to be yer dad". Yes you do, and no, you're not, but that aside, I can't let you in. This is usually when they hang around and explain: it's okay man, I used to work in a bar. Fan-fuckin-tastic, but now I need to ask: if you know this is the way it works, why are you giving me grief about it? I'm not there(at the door) to make friends, I'm there to make sure that the bar doesn't get shut down for serving a minor. It's not personal, it's just my job.
The cover charge at the door is also my fault. Yes, you have to pay, no I won't let you in cuz you used to work here. Do you work here now? No? Then pay up sucker. "I know the band". Great, do you want them to get paid for this gig? Yes? Then pay the goddamned cover!!!!!
The list of excuses is literally endless, but I can deal w/ drunk assholes, it's the crack heads, and they are plentiful, that really make me want hurt small house pets. My new door policy concerning them is: If you can't afford to keep teeth in your skull, you can't afford to drink in this bar. No, I don't want to buy the porn dvds you "found" in the trash, and our bathroom is not a place to sleep! What the fuck is wrong with these people? Wait, I know first hand what's wrong with these people. Nevermind, I retract the question. I will, for the record state though, that I have never tried to sleep in a pub's bathroom.
Well, to everyone out there, take care of yourselves and I'll see you soon,
Fishbait
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